


Destroy Everything You Touch

by Soozen



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Character Death, Character Study, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Heavy Angst, Lesbian Azula (Avatar), Post-Canon, Protective Azula (Avatar), Sad Ending, Sibling Bonding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-07
Updated: 2021-02-07
Packaged: 2021-03-12 05:41:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,093
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29255388
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Soozen/pseuds/Soozen
Summary: Azula loves Ty Lee, but she struggles to show it.
Relationships: Azula/Ty Lee (Avatar)
Comments: 18
Kudos: 72





	Destroy Everything You Touch

**Author's Note:**

> I'd had this posted up a few months ago, deleted it, rethought my decision to delete it, and now here it is again. Enjoy.

She struggles with affection. And it’s no wonder, considering her childhood and teen years were nearly entirely devoid of it, and much of her young adulthood was spent in confined spaces with kind people teaching her how to live with others. It is difficult, so very difficult, to do the smallest of gestures, but she tries, and has made steady improvements, and she is certain that it is due to Ty Lee that she is able to at all.

She knows, now, small ways to show Ty Lee what she means to her. Sometimes, she will gently, with a single finger, tap Ty Lee’s shoulder three times- once for each word they whisper to each other before falling asleep. It is something Ty Lee had introduced to her, suggested she do instead of saying those three precious words when others could hear. A secret sign, just between the two of them.

Ty Lee is the only person who has ever said those words to her, and she is the only one who she can whisper them to in the dark of night and in the early rays of the morning sun.

And Ty Lee is able to say it whenever she wishes, not held back by years of abuse and years of being forced to grow up focused and cold. She is comfortable with hugging Azula, placing soft kisses upon her cheek when the impulse arises, and Azula is envious of this.

It is eons easier to receive affection from Ty Lee than to show it. If Azula is honest with herself, she has always been drawn to Ty Lee by how at ease she is with physical touch, even when they were children. Her childhood is muddy to think back on, but the brightest moments are when she is with Ty Lee. She remembers a moment, sad that her mother cannot make time for her, and Ty Lee is there, hugging her.

Ty Lee has told her, many times, that she is ‘touch starved,’ and Azula thinks that she might be right. Every moment she is awake she craves contact with her, yearns for an embrace or a gentle touch to her cheek, and thankfully, wonderfully, Ty Lee obliges.

But, it is still difficult to initiate, even all their years together. When there are servants around, she is stiff, though she knows these servants cannot report any ‘misconduct’ back to her father. She fears what others will think to see her so open, so…affectionate. And so, she sometimes shies away from a kiss in public.

To accept such an act shows softness, shows vulnerability, and to be vulnerable is terrifying.

She has mantras to repeat when the world becomes to much. _Let go and let others help_ , for one. _No one can control everything. It is okay to make mistakes_ , for another, as well as, _It takes strength to be vulnerable._

That is an especially difficult one to accept. She tries. She wants to make Ty Lee feel as loved, as special, as adored as she feels around her. Sometimes, when they are in the garden together (and they spend so much time gardening; it is an activity strongly encouraged by her healers, to keep her hands and head occupied, to give her a sense of productivity and accomplishment without destruction) she reaches for Ty Lee and wraps her fingers around her smaller and more calloused ones. At dinner, she lets Ty Lee enjoy the last dumpling. In the morning while Ty Lee braids her long hair, she whispers in her ear how precious she is.

Ty Lee _is_ precious. Ty Lee is her world. And if Azula could find it in herself to shower her with all the love she deserves, she would. But affection is difficult.

It is so much easier to be intimate.

It took such great work to reach this point; to force the chaos from her mind, to learn what it means to be soft- but soft in a way that makes sense to Azula, that does not conflict with who she is, because Azula is very certain that, while her father molded her into the child soldier she had once been, it has never been in her nature to be like Zuko. Her brother has always been ruled by his heart, by his emotions and the only time she ever has been is when she succumbed to madness.

Ty Lee helps. She helps her every day, just by being at her side and being patient, never forcing her to do to much or to be anything other than who she is. Without Ty Lee, Azula has a terrible feeling that she would still be in the institute, where she had been locked away after losing her throne to Zuko.

Occasionally, she tries to remember what those early years in the institute were like, but there is nothing. Those three years are blocked out, and sometimes this frustrates her, because how dare her memories hide themselves from her? But sometimes, she thinks this might be for the best. If she does not remember it, just as there are blanks in her memory of her childhood, perhaps she cannot remember it for a reason. Ty Lee agrees with this thought. She reasons that maybe it is her mind protecting her from hurtful memories.

But in those memories that she cannot access must be the first time Ty Lee came to visit. Azula hates to think that memory could be painful.

She cannot remember the first time Ty Lee had visited, nor the second, or the third. As far as she can tell, Ty Lee was always there, though she knows this is an impossibility.

And even when the memories are there, later, after the healing began, they are foggy and few, and she can barely remember but knows that she said cruel things to Ty Lee. She knows that, many times, Ty Lee would cry, that Ty Lee would have that horrible hurt in her eyes- those large, beautiful, expressive eyes- but still, in all the memories, Ty Lee is there. And she is always close, and always has kind words, soft touches.

The healers gave her mantras and coping mechanisms and more than a dozen different tea recipes to soothe whatever bad thought might creep into her mind, but it was Ty Lee that showed her how to love. Azula thinks that love- seeing it, feeling it, and giving it in the small ways she can- is really what has healed her.

She owes Ty Lee much- owes her everything. She is the most cherished and dear part of her life, and Azula holds her close, especially through the night. Most nights, Ty Lee falls asleep first, curled up against Azula, the princess’s arms around her, her lips pressed to her forehead. The nights are Azula’s favorite, these tender moments just before falling asleep. The nights are filled with peace.

Until one isn’t.

Azula’s eyes fly open suddenly. She is a light sleeper, always has been. There was a noise from outside of their room. Sitting up, she gently pulls her arm off of Ty Lee (who lets out a small noise of displeasure), staring hard at the door. A moment passes. There is no sound other than the soft breathing of the young woman beside her. With a frown, Azula slowly lays back down, telling herself that perhaps she is only hearing things, that maybe it was a noise from outside of their window instead.

Except then she hears the handle of the door turn, the low squeak of the door hinges as it was opened. She bolts upright again, one hand grabbing Ty Lee’s arm; her breath catches as a figure appears and she wants to believe it is a servant with some mundane reason to wake her up but she knows how stupid of an idea that is. Ty Lee shifts, murmuring her name and something about her wrist (which Azula is gripping tightly) as the figure becomes clearer from the light of the moon pooling in from their bedroom window. Azula’s eyes widen as she sees a bow raised, loaded, pointed at her-

She propels herself over Ty Lee, dragging her off the bed with her; Ty Lee lets out a cry of pain and Azula does not want to think about how she had hurt her, and thankfully there is no time. Letting go of Ty Lee, Azula reacts quickly, faster than she knew she still could, bending fire at the man in the doorway.

Azula does not firebend much anymore; so much of the dark emotions and thoughts are so intricately tied to firebending that she finds more solace in abstaining. The most she has allowed herself are the basics, breathing exercises at the start of each day, as part of her meditation ritual. She is rusty, and she knows it, but the man is on the ground now, not moving.

The sigh of relief is short lived, for before she can talk to Ty Lee and explain (but what can she explain, when she herself hardly understands what is happening, beyond the very obvious) there are others in the doorway, all armed.

This time, Ty Lee is at the ready.

They don’t know who these men are. Azula does not entirely care, not at this moment. Right now, she is only focused on one thing: protecting Ty Lee. It is of no consequence why these men- archers, swordsmen, even an earthbender- are in their home, trying to kill her (or are they after the both of them). Azula will defend Ty Lee with her life-

To her right, Ty Lee makes a strange, strangled cry; the noise is so unlike anything she had ever heard before. Azula looks over just in time to see Ty Lee- her beautiful, perfect, strong and gentle Ty Lee - crumple to the ground, an arrow in her throat.

The world stills. Azula can’t tell if she screams at the sight of Ty Lee- who had healed her and saved her and is the _only_ thing in this wretched world worth anything at all- dead on the ground, and she nearly runs to her, but an arrow flies just in front of her face and she is reminded that her own life is in danger. She turns her amber eyes on her attackers, and snaps.

_She will rain fire down on them and burn this whole city to the ground for what they have done._

* * *

There have been many attempts on Zuko’s life in the years since he became Fire Lord. Most are simple, sneaky; poison in his food, a single assassin. Nearly all have been from those still loyal to Ozai, and while Zuko finds it baffling that there are still those who prefer the old ways, he tries to understand and remind himself that change is difficult, and not everyone had the unfortunate opportunity to be at sea for three years and on the run as a fugitive in the Earth Kingdom to change their minds.

However, this is the first attempt that not only targeted the palace, but his sister's home as well.

The attack at the palace is squashed quickly. All assassins are stopped and captured (or killed) by the time Zuko is awoken by an apologetic servant. He lets Mai sleep, quietly following the servant out of the room where the captain of the guard is interrogating one of the assailants. Through some creative coercing, the man reveals who they are: members of a group from Ba Sing Se, who have not forgotten how their city had fallen, of the coup and the treachery used to overthrow the city and turn it over to the Fire Nation.

Zuko, for once, is not been the target of the assassination plot. It is Mai, and it s Azula and Ty Lee.

He pales, orders guards to Mai’s side immediately, that she is not to be left alone (and he knows that this is unnecessary, because Mai is fast and strong and clever, and is more than capable of protecting herself; but he is afraid for her now and cannot stay with her), orders for his armor, for a group of guards to accompany him to the outskirts of the capital city, where Azula lives.

His sister has no guards at her house. There will be no one there to alert her of the danger, she has no reason to believe anyone would attempt to kill her.

They need to be fast. Mongoose lizards are waiting for him and the men that accompany him, and they race through the empty city streets. Zuko does not want to admit how scared he is. It feels foolish to be so afraid for Azula; they were never close, even now that she is considered rehabilitated, better. The damage done to their relationship feels permanent. It is difficult to forget and disregard the cruel things she has done and said, even knowing why she was that way. But she is his little sister, and she is in trouble, and even if they may never feel like a family again, it is his job to keep her safe.

Zuko smells the smoke and sees the blue flames before they reach her house. His stomach twists, and he hopes this is a good sign, that she is alive, because that is _her_ fire, she is controlling it-

But the fire is not being controlled. The flames are high and hot and powerful, spreading from building to building. There is so much screaming. Zuko orders those he can afford to lose to try to stop the spread of the flames, to save those within the buildings, as he presses onward, turning a corner, and there is Azula.

She is on the ground outside of the house she shares with Ty Lee, but the house is consumed in fire; there is no saving it. Zuko can hardly know what to focus on first: the house, or Azula, flames escaping her mouth with each scream she lets out. And it is then that he realizes she is clutching Ty Lee’s limp body to her.

Zuko is not ready for this.

There are other bodies scattered behind her. Zuko secretly hopes those are the assassins, all having met their bitter end. He dismounts, and gulps, and takes a hesitant step toward his sister. The way she is wailing, sobbing, he can only see how she looked _that_ day that her mind had fully snapped when Katara had chained her to the floor.

For the second time in her life, his sister is broken.

Cautiously, Zuko approaches her, removing the armor he’d donned when he thought the worst thing he would face tonight would be assassins. She is holding Ty Lee so tightly, and his heart breaks to see her so undone. This is not like the last time, he’s decided. Last time, it was from the loss of a future she had thought she wanted, needed. This time, it is from the loss of what he suspects is the only person she has ever actually cared about.

He stops about a foot away from her, kneeling in front of her. If she knows he’s there, she hasn’t shown it. Parts of her clothing and Ty Lee’s are bunt, he can see some burn wounds through the holes in Azula’s clothing. Slowly, hesitantly, not wanting to spook her, Zuko reaches a hand out and gently touches her shoulder, saying her name.

Azula’s eyes fly open, she flinches from his touch, but he can see that is instinctive, not a conscious decision. She stares at him, tears flowing so freely, and it hurts to look at her, hurts to see the anguish in her eyes.

He holds her gaze, and simply whispers, “I’m sorry.”

He is sorry. He’s sorry that they were too slow to arrive, sorry that he was foolish enough to believe that Azula did not require protection, sorry that Ty Lee has died, that she is feeling so much pain.

She is no longer spitting flames from her mouth, and slowly, she curls inward, protectively shielding Ty Lee’s body, and just c _ries_. Zuko stays with her, his hand on her shoulder (he wants to hug her, because he has learned how comforting it is to be hugged and wants Azula to feel some sort of comfort, but they are not there yet as siblings), and slowly, the flames behind her lessen and grow smaller, and become contained.

There is a lot of movement around them, as the fires are put out and people pour out of their homes to either take in the destruction or because they had to flee as their homes were engulfed in flame. Zuko still does not move, and neither does Azula. He stays with her until her tears stop, and she sits up, gently stroking Ty Lee’s cheeks.

“It should have been me.”

The words shock Zuko, but maybe they shouldn’t have, because he has heard how Azula had grown kinder, has heard how she loves Ty Lee but hadn’t seen it for himself.

“It shouldn’t have been either of you,” he counters, but gently, softly.

Azula does not respond. Her eyes are on Ty Lee, and Zuko can’t look at her, can’t stand the sight of the arrow and the blood, and he realizes then that Azula is also covered in blood, but maybe it is only Ty Lee’s. It is not a very comforting thought.

“I didn’t protect her.” Her voice is so quiet, it is ice, thin and frail and ready to crack; has she ever sounded this way before? “I tried..."

There is more weight to that statement, he can feel it, but knows better than to push and pry. But he also knows that she is crumbling, and he does not want to see his sister shatter completely, and he is ready to chance it.

Zuko moves beside Azula, and she grows tense and even more so when he wraps his arm around her shoulders, leaning into her and pulling her into him. She’s not prepared, and for an instant, he’s sure she’s going to push him away and run. But she stills, and then is crying again. She lets go of Ty Lee before turning more fully into Zuko and clings to him as the fresh wave of tears comes.

These are full body sobs, and Zuko holds her tightly, and lets her cry for as long as she needs.


End file.
